unintentionally creepy

via

1. My uncontrollable “awwkkwwaaard” smile as my female gynecologist feels up my chest for a breast exam. So… you have any pets?

2. Naked child mannequins on display. With zero contact with kids in my world, I become horribly anxious around nude children. I have had only one babysitting experience in which the 3 year old decided to take all her clothes off and try sticking forks in the electrical outlets. My, “WHY ARE YOU NAKED??” trauma has never escaped me. I’m still not sure what the rules are about adults and child nudity, but these naked child mannequins also make me feel like blurting my innocence just for being in the vicinity. For the Love of God just put some clothes on…

3. Hiding behind my front door from the persistent freckle-faced boy scout ringing my door bell and finally conceding to his request with epic bed head and my “not for public” booty shorts. You asked for it kid.

Amazing.

a spiritual legacy.

Mother’s Day. It has been ages since I have woken to the birds outside my window. After a few extra tosses and turns of lazy sleep because I can, I throw my sheets back, swing my feet, and hit the ground like any other day. I walk to the sink and somewhere between the brushing of my teeth and washing of my face I notice I’m weeping.

As quickly as it hits, the wave passes. I grab S and we head to church in silence. I don’t tell him to leave the radio off, but he does and I am thankful to listen to the music of the motor, the pavement, and the chirps among the rustling leaves. I close my eyes and let the wind and sun kiss my skin and wash over my body.

We hold hands (my favorite activity). I’m happy to make it to church. I’m happier to spend intentional time with God on this special day. The pastor speaks of the power of leaving a spiritual legacy. I think of you, Mama Pearl. I think of how you taught me to seek my faith during times of hurt and loneliness. You taught me where to look when in need of spiritual solace and this has never let me down. Ever. I hold onto S and think of how pleased you would be of this sight.

I Love you, Mom. Days like these will always be drenched in both blessings and sadness, but I’m grateful for the ability you endowed in me to recognize both. Without a doubt, you have been the most influential woman in my universe. I’m confident that your humor, beauty, and emotional depth are matched by none. I can only hope to embody a fraction of the legacy you left us someday.

Happy Mother’s Day.

wanna hug?

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"Hey.... wanna hug?"

 

A co-worker asks to give me a hug this morning. "Sure!", I reply in a chipper tone. I realize I could totally use a hug and graciously accept the offer. I think to myself. This shit is kinda nice. Thus, I've taken it upon myself to creep around the office today asking people if they want a hug. You know, because that's totally normal and not strange at all. I've been pretty out of it in body and mind these days as I work on taming the lion I call my dissertation. I'm taking whatever tiny moments I have to connect with my peers, watch the rainclouds as they form from afar on my drive home, and even gift myself with a little something for a hard day's work (I'll rethink my "I deserve this" splurge later and see if it's a keeper).

 

Just another day in the life.

 

With Love,

 

 

the impossible.

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I pray for strength. I breathe. I work. I work some more. I pray for restful sleep. And then I do it again.

Dear test of perseverance: You are such a pain, but I secretly Love you when we’re over. Did I mention I can’t wait till we’re over? Because I can’t wait till we’re over. In the meantime, let’s try to be friends. I would really like that.

Hugs + Kisses,

 

 

 

Note: photos without explicit source are original to TGIP

enchanting darkness

“It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.”
- Frederick Douglass

It’s that perfect shade of darkness. I can hear the thunder rolling in from afar. There’s a stillness of looming rain. There’s something beautifully comforting and delicious about being curled up in shelter, waiting for those first few drops to fall.

And there they go…

 

Full heart,

10 years of Love

 

Woman Loves Man.

Man builds fire for Woman.

Dog eats Man and Woman's left overs when they're not looking.

 

S and I had our 10 year anniversary. We decided to skip the fancy dinner and had a family outing by the river instead. We ate burgers and french fries. I asked S to make me a mixed tape and fulfill my deepest girlish desires. I was thoroughly touched and impressed by his delivery. We shared cards and kisses and spent the night surrounded in nothing and everything.

 

The past 10 years have been quite the ride; filled with laughter, joy, and tears of both triumph and failure. On the day of our wedding S did not promise me a life of pure, perfect happiness. Instead, he gave me his Love, his commitment, and a vow of adventure. I am excited beyond belief to see what the mysterious future holds for me and this wonderful man.

 

P.S. Me and Dog's dream came true. S has gotten on board with our wish to grow our family. Our furry family at least. Next on our list: a trip to the animal shelter for our newest addition. SO.HAPPY.

 

All my Love and more,

 

 

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Note: photos without explicit source are original to TGIP