Tuesday, February 5, 2013

underslept unicorn talk

I was probably a good 4 years old.
I'm kneeling in the dark wooden pews at church. I close my eyes, press my palms together, and pray. "Dear God, PLEASE. Bring me a unicorn. That would make me so happy. I promise, I will be good for the rest of my life if I could just have a unicorn. Thank you. Amen." What a test of faith. It's a miracle that my lack of unicorn fulfillment didn't turn me into a dark, unfeeling cynic with no empathy for the world. As a child, my lack of mythical horse was my biggest issue. That and being force fed to eat lentils. My God. My parents might as well have waterboarded me. These daily challenges sound tempting to return to. I look at today's task list. Things are getting crazy around here again. My fellow interns share recent nightmares and stressful dreams related to their workloads as professional graduate students. I've noticed I haven't been able to recall my dreams at all. My sleep has become more of a state of coma than a peaceful rest. The days are getting long. I ate a chocolate chip cookie for dinner last night. It was kind of depressing and totally awesome. I felt victorious and euphoric in my cookie consumption. So much better than lentils. I've noticed that holding onto that silver lining is so important to maintaining my sanity, joy, and sense of meaning in what I'm doing. Things may not be unicorns and rainbows, but sometimes we get a cookie for dinner and there is a little kid in there somewhere saying "hell to the yeah."
I count my blessings, open my eyes, and fall in Love with my life all over again. T- 6 months till graduation and I wouldn't change this for anything in the world.
Here's to faith in life, faith in yourself, and chocolate chip cookies.
All my Love and more,

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